Living n Dying

Author: savini

  • the sensitivity of a “loving n dying” nest

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    by

    savini
    in

    I am spending my days quietly at home with my beloved daughters. Some times with beautiful friends helping us. I spend most of the time in bed, or in a chair. I am receiving help to make the house into a love nest. Cleaning it up. Filling it with flowers, cutlery, glasses and colors I…

  • a whisper in the white

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    savini
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    NB: The post is written more than a week ago. After days without color – blue sky is again opening its gentle smile. Clouds dancing, evaporating and appearing; unveiling the silhouettes of the mountains. Like a whisper in the white. It doesn’t really have a name, this time of year. It is neither spring nor…

  • oh, my dying body

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    savini
    in

    Oh, my dying body. You have served me with so much beauty – The joy of the dance… the aliveness and let-go of the adventures in the forests and the rivers… The creative play… You carried my beautiful friends in your belly, the children that was born into life through me. You carried me from…

  • nothing should have been different

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    savini
    in

    I will not pretend it’s not challenging to live with pain in the body. It takes energy, and my attention is easily drawn to the sickness and the pain. The types of pain are changing, and it takes time to adjust and balance the pain-killers. I have been tired lately. For a while I felt…

  • the inner unfolding

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    savini
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    I am landing back home after the stay in the rehabilitation centre.The valley is white and quiet. Silence embraces me, nourishes me and helps me giving space for the inner unfolding that is happening. I have rested deeply, and slept a lot. Some of the medicines are also making me tired ☺️ Layers of self-doubt…

  • my only prayer

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    savini
    in

    «Do you know why?», a fellow patient in the rehabilitation place asks me. She is talking about the cancer in my body. She is a beautiful, intuitive woman. An alternative doctor I met some time ago, commented on that the imbalance in my body, started 8 years ago with a benign tumor in my breast,…

  • the beauty under the eyelids

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    savini
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    Maybe a blog post will come today, I suddenly thought. I am sitting here by my window in a rehabilitation center close to the hospital. Last week I started daily radiation treatments of the brain. From yesterday, radiation of the tailbone and hip was included into the schedule. The view from my window is beautiful…

  • on a crispy winter day

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    savini
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    The winter day is crispy outside my window. A little bird is dancing in the air between the feeding spots, and the sunlight floods the naked trees in nuances of orange and peach. The sound of one of the cats eating. Except that, silence is all I hear this morning. «Life goes on without me».There…

  • nowhere to go

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    savini
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    The oncologist calls me, with shaken voice, and he does not go straight to the point. The MRI results shows five tumors in my brain. Three of them are very small. Two are big. He asks me to take cortisone at once. It will not shrink the tumors, but hopefully it can release some of…

  • not in my hands

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    by

    savini
    in

    There are only sounds. Footsteps in the corridor. Voices. The wheels of the trolley towards the floor when they come to measure the blood pressure, temperature, pulse – or take more blood tests. I cover my eyes every time the door opens. The energy in the room is changing when someone new enters. And when…