children of existence

When I look at my own journey in life, I see that pain has never been a bad thing. Pain has never been the bottom of something, or the end of something – it has just been a layer. If I have the willingness and openness to face it and go through it – there is always beauty on the other side of it; Depth, Peace, Silence, Joy, Freedom…

My life in this moment is facing death. Living with fourth stage cancer. But still living.

I don!’t want to avoid life. Or death.
I don’t want to avoid whatever comes; of fears, of pains or sorrows.

I love life too much to reject parts of it or to not embrace the whole of it.

Still I catch myself these days, in protecting people around me from pain; Some times I avoid telling people about the physical pain I am having, to not worry them.
Or I focus on the “hope” that the treatment will work and that maybe I still have some time left in this body – when I talk with people about my sickness. To make it a little bit easier on them.

I know that I am in the hands of existence. It sinks in, as a deeper and deeper relief in me; I am not in my hands.

It is not up to me to “fix” this.

It is not up to me to decide; when I will leave this body, and what will happen until then.

And anyway, no matter what;

E v e r y t h i n g
i s
f i n e.

E v e r y t h i n g
i s
p e r f e c t.

A s
i t
i s.


My life has been so full of beauty. What more can I ask for?

I laugh a bit about myself, seeing I am accepting that I am not in my hands. But sometimes I still think that other people are in my hands 😂

As if they ever could be anything but free – the children of Existence Itself.