«Do you know why?», a fellow patient in the rehabilitation place asks me. She is talking about the cancer in my body. She is a beautiful, intuitive woman.
An alternative doctor I met some time ago, commented on that the imbalance in my body, started 8 years ago with a benign tumor in my breast, just after my mother died from cancer.
Maybe a hindu will say it must be karma.
A fanatic christian might say it is God’s punishment for my sins 😉, while a milder one might say it is Jesus calling me home to heaven and eternal life.
Some will say I did not eat healthy enough, or that I drank too much wine or coffee.
Others will suspect I must have been exposed for some radiation or poison.
We are all experiencing and seeing ourselves, others and life from our own perspective, from where we have our own focus – and through our own illusions.
That includes the doctors. I meet many of them; and they all have different angles, views and opinions about my sickness. Some of them do bring fixed answers, but the fixed answers from the different doctors are never the same.
The world is full of voices.
I don’t know why I got cancer, or why it spread.
I do know that so far in my life, Life has given me exactly what I need. I am not in this life either to be perfect or to «survive» – I am here to learn, to see, to realise – and to share. I see nothing wrong about me having cancer, nor about me dying.
Have you seen in nature?
When a tree falls in the forest, it nourishes everything around. It dies – and gives life at the same time. The tree is not separated from the forest – it is part, it is One with the forest and with Life Itself.
Even after its death, it is a sharing.
That is my only prayer;
Let my death be like that; a sharing. Let what is left of my life be a surrender to the Whole.
For years, I have been feeling something happening in the energy in the right side of my body. Some years ago there was a strong turmoil, deep fears coming up, stories from the past – and I could feel it physically in my right side, it was burning wild. The last years it has changed, releases has happened, fears have dropped, joy and life energy has opened more and more – but the feeling of the right side of my body has still been very present in me.
The oncologist commented (without me having said or asked anything), that he had no good explanation about why the cancer came almost only in the right side of my body.
Maybe there is a burning out, into the level of the cells of the body.
Or, maybe I just had too much wine or chocolate 😉. Who knows?
What is for sure; The cancer is Here, this is what Life is bringing me in this moment – and I see nothing to reject or avoid. I see nothing that is not included in the Whole, or in the Moment. I see nothing that should have been different.
Of course I understand that it might be painful for people close to me. That is natural and human.
I also know that everyone is here, on their own journey in life. Going through pain is one of our great chances to go deeper. Why should I try to protect anyone from that? (and how could I believe I could?).
If I truly Love someone – why would I protect them against their chances to feel, to see and to learn? Those chances, that I am so deeply grateful for having had in such a rich way through my own life.
What is Love?
What is Friendship?
What is Health?
…are questions coming up in me these days.
I am having unpredictable days and energy, and writing happens when it happens. But my guess is that this post will get a continuation soon ☺️
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