My Adventure
of Living n Dying
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to see each other one more time
My carry-on luggage this time consists of pillows and medicines. And a letter from my oncologist, confirming that I need the morphine for own use. I have traveled to Brazil, together with my two beloved daughters. At 10 in the morning, the day after chemo- and immune therapy treatment, we left Hedalen (Norway). I will
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we are not strangers
It is funny; I cannot describe how she looked, or what clothes she wore. Only her energy, and the atmosphere around her. We met in the backseat of a shared taxi, going home from the hospital in Gjøvik. A beautiful, older woman – with a shining smile and such an aliveness in her being. Already
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a sharing about decay, or about who we are
Driving to the hospital in Gjøvik is cozy. Trees still bursting in color and beauty along the road. Celebrating the season, the changes – life, death, aging, let-go… The autumn is getting darker. Rainy days. Low clouds. Longer nights. Shorter days. For me too; Many times I stay in bed for 14-15 hours a
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like the eternal night sky, and the golden autumn light
It is a sunny day with blue sky – and the golden autumn light is flooding the mountains, the forest and my living room. Life is so mysterious. I am tired after chemo therapy yesterday, it is a slow moving day. If I just go with what is; it gives a relaxation, I can rest
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where I always have been
I am in the hospital, receiving the fourth dose of chemotherapy when writing this post. I have had one weeks break from the chemo treatment; The body has been better, with more energy. I have been able to do more. Except from the pain in the knee and in the tailbone; some days I have
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the giggle of falling leaves
Nature is such a support for me. To see the water flowing and the leaves falling from the trees, gives me relaxation. Everything is effortless in nature. So simple; Sprouting and growing is effortless – and dying too. I am not able to crawl and climb in nature, as I have done earlier in life.
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to live each day as if it was your last
One of these last evenings, I experienced a space where I felt that death could come any moment. It was a feeling that the link between the body and the spirit was so thin, almost not there. I had been in pain, and taken an extra dose of morphine. Maybe that influenced the experience. Again
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a surprise after chemotherapy
I woke up with beauty in my face. The sunshine outside the window. The thin, gentle layer of mist among the trees, before the sun breaks through it all, and makes it evaporate. My own heart blooming in my chest, glowing through my face. The play of light and shadow on the windowsill. Yesterday I
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children of existence
When I look at my own journey in life, I see that pain has never been a bad thing. Pain has never been the bottom of something, or the end of something – it has just been a layer. If I have the willingness and openness to face it and go through it – there
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death has been so close
Life becomes so real in the meeting with Death. Everything unimportant becomes so… unimportant. It falls by itself, and only Love is left.