Tag: death
-
a whisper in the white
NB: The post is written more than a week ago. After days without color – blue sky is again opening its gentle smile. Clouds dancing, evaporating and appearing; unveiling the silhouettes of the mountains. Like a whisper in the white. It doesn’t really have a name, this time of year. It is neither spring nor…
-
oh, my dying body
Oh, my dying body. You have served me with so much beauty – The joy of the dance… the aliveness and let-go of the adventures in the forests and the rivers… The creative play… You carried my beautiful friends in your belly, the children that was born into life through me. You carried me from…
-
nothing should have been different
I will not pretend it’s not challenging to live with pain in the body. It takes energy, and my attention is easily drawn to the sickness and the pain. The types of pain are changing, and it takes time to adjust and balance the pain-killers. I have been tired lately. For a while I felt…
-
my only prayer
«Do you know why?», a fellow patient in the rehabilitation place asks me. She is talking about the cancer in my body. She is a beautiful, intuitive woman. An alternative doctor I met some time ago, commented on that the imbalance in my body, started 8 years ago with a benign tumor in my breast,…
-
on a crispy winter day
The winter day is crispy outside my window. A little bird is dancing in the air between the feeding spots, and the sunlight floods the naked trees in nuances of orange and peach. The sound of one of the cats eating. Except that, silence is all I hear this morning. «Life goes on without me».There…
-
nowhere to go
The oncologist calls me, with shaken voice, and he does not go straight to the point. The MRI results shows five tumors in my brain. Three of them are very small. Two are big. He asks me to take cortisone at once. It will not shrink the tumors, but hopefully it can release some of…
-
not in my hands
There are only sounds. Footsteps in the corridor. Voices. The wheels of the trolley towards the floor when they come to measure the blood pressure, temperature, pulse – or take more blood tests. I cover my eyes every time the door opens. The energy in the room is changing when someone new enters. And when…
-
to see each other one more time
My carry-on luggage this time consists of pillows and medicines. And a letter from my oncologist, confirming that I need the morphine for own use. I have traveled to Brazil, together with my two beloved daughters. At 10 in the morning, the day after chemo- and immune therapy treatment, we left Hedalen (Norway). I will…
-
we are not strangers
It is funny; I cannot describe how she looked, or what clothes she wore. Only her energy, and the atmosphere around her. We met in the backseat of a shared taxi, going home from the hospital in Gjøvik. A beautiful, older woman – with a shining smile and such an aliveness in her being. Already…
-
a sharing about decay, or about who we are
Driving to the hospital in Gjøvik is cozy. Trees still bursting in color and beauty along the road. Celebrating the season, the changes – life, death, aging, let-go… The autumn is getting darker. Rainy days. Low clouds. Longer nights. Shorter days. For me too; Many times I stay in bed for 14-15 hours a…